Men have for years attempted to analyze women. See what makes them tick. What gets them ticked. Philosophers for centuries tried to get inside a woman’s mind, only to find themselves maddened at the prospect. All that philosophy and what we got to show for it? Nada, zip, zilch. Only wonderful sayings like, ‘Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.’ ‘I’ve got PMS and I’m not afraid to use it.’ And ‘Life’s a bitch, then you marry one.’ Heh, soon to be followed by another popular bumper sticker, ‘Shit happens.’ * * * * * The Teenager’s Monologue, by Trey Smith. (Stands from chair, lights up. Man speaking is a 19 yr old male. Moderate build, brown hair, hasn’t shaved in several days. He is dressed in a ‘wife beater’ with an unbuttoned button up shirt on over it, and slacks. He is holding a paper disposable Starbucks coffee cup, and is wearing glasses. He begins pacing.) The thing I don’t get is for all of people’s heralding her as the more logical, compassionate, and reasonable. First the home is in my name, Dad insisted on that when he bought it for us, the cars are in my name, you were too busy fucking some guy, so I put them in my name. Our bank accounts are all in my name - so yes I’ll forgive you, I’ll give you one hour to gather what you want and be out of my home” Then she giggled, “I hope you have money for a cab, because I’m driving my car home” I got up and released him, the final look was at me, a look of pure hatred, then he left, dialing some number. Turning back to her, releasing her restraints, “I am so sorry for breaking the news that way, but when we found out the problem was his double lives, the only way to have him confess to it, was to put him in an erotic high, causing him to not be able to focus on clear thoughts”Then I giggled, “Too bad the guy doesn’t live on the second hole, but who knows maybe three holes will be lucky for him” She had pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them, looking down at her toes, “I knew something.
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